Session 1 – Mon Jan 12th

First impressions count……….although hopefully not in this case. Hopping straight off a plane from a weekend away in Phuket and heading to Day 1 of the WCB training I was (unfortunately) wearing a pink polo shirt (don’t ask why). I’m not 100% sure but I think this may have reduced my Late 80’s Tysonesque aura of menace (well that and the fact that a skinny 40 year old bald guy who cant fight is never going to be particularly intimidating). Not to worry, as I have been a member at Vanda for the past few months, so surely my experience would shine through and intimidate the novices………wrong!!!!. As we all got our complimentary hand wraps I proceeded to wrap and rewrap my hands in a manner that would have put a special ed kid to shame………and not one of the good special ed kids either. This wouldn’t have been so bad if I hadn’t been doing it for 3 months prior!

The 18 of us present huddled around and got introductions to Ian (CEO of Vanda) and Alexis (Head Trainer). Many eyes were darting around the place checking out the competition for size and weight of prospective opponents. To an outsider it probably resembled a scene out of the Blue Oyster bar from Police Academy (not that there is anything wrong with that).

We started out with an 8min warm up of alternating running on the spot / back and forward shuffle & star jumps (jumping jacks for the Americans). From here we moved into the circuit (which is always the toughest part of a session). This one involved repeating the following exercises twice 10 push ups / 10 squat thrusts / 10 crunches / 10 burpees as quickly as possible followed by a minutes rest with 3 circuits in all. Some found this harder than others but I don’t think I am going out on a limb by saying that Burpees are not a group favourite, and will only decrease in popularity as training goes on………….and the funny thing about burpees is that no matter how often you do them they always hurt, you just get faster doing them.

From here we got some basic footwork drills and some basic punching work all in front of the mirror (boxing is one of the few socially acceptable times to admire your work in the mirror………well that and in bed if you have some mirrors on the ceiling). Unfortunately my work is not that admirable (in either instance). It is genuinely hard (well for me anyway) just to follow the commands of back / forward / left / right whilst punching (thankfully gum is outlawed in Singapore because I would definitely struggle with the walking and chewing at the same time). To give you an insight of how this feels……..its like dancing in front of a group of people (who all appear to be watching you – even if they’re not) with no music, only for the fact that you cant dance. In reality this is not much of a stretch for me as I only have 2 dance moves as it is, and neither are what you would call fluent (and that’s being a bit disrespectful to fluent).

We finished off with some plank work which is where you hold your body horizontally with only your forearms and toes touching the ground and tense your abs to maintain a straight position for a set period. These sound easy but unfortunately they aren’t and 1 minute of holding the plank at the end of a hard session seems to take a lot longer than 1 minute……..especially that 3rd rep.

Session 2 – Wed Jan 14

Everyone came back plus the 2 who missed the first session so we had the full complement of participants. We haven’t weighed in as yet but for the 2 ladies and the 2 really big guys there is not too much suspense as to who they will be stepping into the ring against. For the rest of us that’s not the case and there were more casual conversations on people’s weight than you would get at a Weight Watchers meeting. The general consensus was that everyone was a bit sore after Monday particularly in the bum region ($%%^$ing burpees!!!!).

After the hand wrapping debacle of day 1, I did the right thing and washed my 2 sets of wraps. Unfortunately I didn’t roll them up before putting them in the washing and they came out in a tangled mess. Running late for work I quickly found out this was a trap for new players as it took me 22 minutes to untangle and re-roll the wraps (I wish I was kidding). Anyway I turned up early to the Havelock Rd gym with my nicely washed and rolled wraps. I felt well prepared with a youtube video setup on my blackberry on instructional handwrapping (if you are looking for it just search “boxing hand wrapping for the epically stupid”). Still with the step by step instructional guide it still took 20 mins and my left hand was wrapped differently to my right…….#$%@%$ This!!!!! At least there weren’t many people around to see it this time.

Day 2 training was pretty similar to Day 1 in terms of content and intensity. Alexis made the stupid mistake of having me lead the right / left / back / forward punch drill……….and you know you have a problem when you can’t even follow your own instructions that you are yelling out. Hopefully Alexis has learned the lesson that all my previous employers have learned (the hard way)……….don’t put me in charge of anything…….ever (please note if anyone from my current employer reads this I’m only joking………kind of). We also added some pairs footwork drill circling around a cone in both directions and punching for 2 min.

The only changes from Day 1 were the circuit was towards the end of the session this time. Of the 3 sets the best time anyone finished was 1min 17sec. All mine were around the 1min 30 mark, which is ok as I am aiming for consistency of output. The backmarkers came in around the 2min 45 mark. The good part about finishing fast (if my girlfriend is reading this I’m not trying to make bedroom performance excuses again) is that you get a longer rest period before the next set (girlfriend looks on quizzically: ”there is a next set?”).

We finished with the 3 sets of the plank again and I strategically positioned myself so I could see the countdown timer. Alexis yells out “plank for 50 secs” then sets it to 75 secs and thinks he is some kind of cross between Eddie Murphy / Richard Pryor & Chris Rock.

Most headed home after the plank but 5 or 6 of us stayed around to get in some extra work on the bags and in my case the abs and legs. Someone once told me an old saying “No abs No Legs, No Legs No Fight”. So I am following that guideline and focusing my extra strength and conditioning in those areas. I really hope it was someone who knew what they were talking about when they said that.

Session 3 – Sat Jan 16

I always had a theory that the only 2 things that were fun to get up for at 7am were golf and going on a holiday. After today I can safely say that getting up to go boxing won’t be joining that list anytime soon………just trust me on this. For a guy that struggles to get to work by 9am (should be read as 10am)……..again if you are from my employer please stop reading…….. having to be ‘boxing functional’ by 8am is a massive challenge. It’s even worse when you find out that training starts at 8.30am and not 8am……Doh!………..hey at least I got to wrap my hands in privacyJ. And I’m not even going to get into how bad Weetbix soaked in protein shake that I had for breakfast taste……..please don’t ask why I was eating this. And this all came on the back of attending a going away at KPO in Killeney rd on Friday night. The place was jumping and the crowd was “aesthetically pleasing”………trying to live a healthy lifestyle and stay off the turps in these kinds of situations is tough………and made even tougher when a bottle of water costs $8…………$8 $%#^ing dollars……….and they’re not even big bottles.

Andy & Michelle ran this morning’s session with Michelle in charge of the stopwatch. The session was at Turf City and the gym is half the size and 5x as hot as Havelock Rd. It must be 50 degrees with zero air circulation and it only gets worse when you have 20 sweaty bodies going hell for leather for 90 mins. Having done a few of Michelle’s sessions it was predictably tight and without much rest…………….in other words she is a “Stopwatch Nazi”. We began with 10 mins of skipping, followed 5 min warm up and 10mins of circuit which was jogging on the spot interspersed with 15 reps of various exercises each 30 secs including everyones favourite burpees. We then broke into 3 groups rotating between heavy bag work / punching & footwork / Skipping and finished off with a 3 loop circuit of the aforementioned pushups / crunches / squat thrusts & burpees. At the end of the session it feels like you have worn your shoes in the pool. There is that much sweat in them that they squelch when you walk and sweat runs out of them……….this is compounded by there being no showers at Turf City and then getting a cab home and Uncle the Cabbie wants to know why there are large puddles on the back seat and on the floor mats……………….i think, he thinks that I’ve wet my pants (and it wouldn’t be the 1st time but that’s a story for another day).

In summary a good intro week that wasn’t as hard as I expected……..although I’m sure that will change soon. Bring on week 2.

Things we’ve learned from Week 1:

• No pink Polo Shirts……..ever
• Look at youtube videos to learn to wrap hands and not appear “challenged”
• Burpees are the devils exercise
• Bring a change of clothes to avoid embarrassing taxi incidents
• Drink iced tap water when out……not bottles
• Make sure there is food in the house before Saturday trainings
• Weetbix soaked in protein shake taste as bad as they sound
• Whatever time Alexis tells you that you must hold the plank for it will always be longer as he messes with the stopwatch……….and he will laugh hysterically and find it tremendously funny
• Note that the group holding the plank finds it less funny
• 8.30am not 8am
• Don’t wash your hand wraps in the washing machine without rolling them up first
• $8 is too much to pay for a small bottle of water
• Even if it is from Fiji
• Don’t let me lead…………..Anything
• A 10kg medicine ball leaves a hole in a plaster wall roughly the size of said medicine ball
• Not all the walls are concrete at the Turf City gym
• This should be checked prior to throwing said medicine ball

Running Totals:

• People intimidated – 0
• Embarrassing incidents – 3
• Number of times I left the gym with my clothes still in the locker room – 2
• Number of times gym was locked up when I realised I had left my clothes, money and credit cards in the gym, couldn’t get back in and had to scrounge for coins to pay the taxi home – 1
• Hand Re-Wraps – 27
• Minutes spent untangling handwraps after washing – 37
• Training sessions – 6
• Total time spent traing – 10.5hrs
• Start Weight – 83.2kg (dressed in shoes)
• End Weight – 82.2kg (dressed in shoes)

Clint Pemberton